You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
