I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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