So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
