can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
