Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize