I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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