How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
