We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
