They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
