Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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