i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
