I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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