i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
