So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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