so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
