I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize