i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
