can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
