so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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