im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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