covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
