you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's shark week go big or go home
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
