oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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