PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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