tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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