I will die if light touches me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize