five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All the doctor said was why
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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