Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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