i may or may not be watching the land before time
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
