We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
