I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
