Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
