Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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