The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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