It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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