I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
