I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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