I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
