I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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