she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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