How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
