if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
