You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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