I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
