I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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