worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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