Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
