Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
