The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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