And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
