..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
