I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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