i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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