woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
