haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize