you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
