dude i'm inner monologue high
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
