saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
