hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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