We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
