wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
