I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
