If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
