Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
