I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
