Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
