Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just invented taco cereal.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
