you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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