I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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