you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
