btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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