i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
