she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
