You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
