Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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