alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
