He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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