the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
