I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
