At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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