It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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