and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
