I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize