I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
