Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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