he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
