ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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