Whoa Z and x make the same sound
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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