its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
