I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
