i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
