don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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