We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
