He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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